dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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