I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
