Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
