i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
