she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
