my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
