nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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