i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
