I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So much rum. So many feels.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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