Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
