Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
