Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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