Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
