The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
