It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My room smells like vodka and shame
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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