the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
