i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
