i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
