What did we do last night that was yellow?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
