If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
