It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
