dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
