did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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