I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
