I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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