i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
