At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
