You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
