gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
