One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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