i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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