I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
