Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
