i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
