the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
