Dual....:-)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
