still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
