Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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