If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
