You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
