Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
