I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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