that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We got so high we made milksteak
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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