everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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