I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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