last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
