I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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