I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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