i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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