we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
