I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
