no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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