I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize