First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
