Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
