I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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