we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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