This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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