i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
