i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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