well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
