It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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