She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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