Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
