I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have post one night stand depression
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