Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
