the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
