Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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