dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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