This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
