She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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