i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize